I'm gonna be mad.

I afraid i need a psychologist or psychiatrist soon.
I afraid i'm gonna be mad.
I'm slightly weak mentally.
I like to think. Think illogically, think far away from reality.
Hoping on something, although there would be no desirable results. But still, I wanna put hope on it.
Waiting for something, someone, with stupidity.
Blaming on others, without expressing it out. Blaming in the heart, only.

I'm so so so so stupid. I wanna kill myself.
I'm gonna be mad.

To a friend.

Someone said, he is leaving the world soon.
He did not mention why he's leaving. Leaving without clear reason.
He said he does not want to repeat the same mistakes which he had done few years back.
He said he wanna keep something for himself.
Thus, he did not want to share the problem with me.
Dear friend, there's nothing impossible in this world.
You said you're leaving, but why? Is it an incurable disease? Or anything happened?
Why do you wanna keep it for yourself?
You have family, you have friends. People surrounding you always care about you, they are crazy for you, they hope everything best for you, they even pray for you. Do you know about that?

Dear friend, I just wanna say, do take care of yourself, please do not keep everything inside your heart, please. May be you take it as one of your secrets deep in your heart; however, just try to express it out. You'll feel better. I am sure you know about that.

Good night. And ALL THE BEST for you.

不要再笨下去。

不懂从何时开始，我变得怨天尤人，总觉得别人对自己很差。
我也曾经检讨，是不是我的问题，是不是明明是我错了，可是还是埋怨别人。
事实上，不是。
我已尽量做好自己的本分。我待人以诚，对谁都是。可是，得到的往往都不是想要的。你对人家好，人家未必对你好。你真心对待人家，人家睬你都傻。办事时想到人家，人家的脑海里却根本没有你。
虽然说，做事不求回报，可是当你对人家好，人家却没对你好时，就会觉得很伤，觉得自己好像傻子，让人呼之则来，挥之则去。偶尔，人家有时要求帮忙，自己会义不容辞地去做；可是，当你需要人家的帮忙时，嗯，有些人会帮你啦，可是就不是真心的。有些人会很心不甘情不愿地帮。这还不要紧，问题是，你要求帮忙的人是谁。就是因为那对象，让你觉得很伤。
偶尔，就觉得自己像傻子般，坐在一角，就好像一个监察人员在监视某个过程。感觉上像个外人。
其实，我对这一切已经看开了，不再去在乎别人是否真心对待。我自问待人以诚就是了。曾经被出卖的事情，我希望可以早日忘掉，不再被这样的事情困扰。
只要做好自己的本分，就行了。也不会再为这样的事情在深夜的被窝里哭泣。
我再也不会这样笨了。

讨厌自私的人！

自私的人离我远一点！
不要再假惺惺，不要再扮同情。
很假！很贱！
闪远一点！

It's exam period again.

Arghhhh.. sigh. Exam is coming soon.
And I just HATE it.
Hate preparing for the exam in a stressful mode, therefore i choose to study at home, it will be more relaxing=) Have good meals from my mum, big TV waiting for me when i feel bored of studying.
Hate sitting for exam. Used to be nervous at the moment before each paper starts, but nobody can help, because everyone is having the same mood as well, although there are people who are already well prepared, and start talking nonsense and teasing people. Don't know why they like to ruin people's confidence when paper is going to start in few more minutes. Please don't do that anymore. We're all adults now.
Why there are human beings who like to lie and cheat? They do study for exam, but how come they never admit that they did study? And always claim that they never study. Sigh. Please la, nobody is going to punish you if you say you do study every night.><
Ok la, that's all for now. Really need to continue studying lor.